i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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