When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
