somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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