I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
