Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
