All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
accomplished twins. life is a go
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
