I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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