You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize