She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
