just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
