I think my vagina is haunted
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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