oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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