he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
