Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
