I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
