Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
this is an emotional support booty call
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
