every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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