put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
