you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
