Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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