Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
