so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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