i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
