Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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