NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
