I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
