how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This is my gift to your gina
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
