honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You have to summon your inner elephant
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My vagina is officially offended.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
