oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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