so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There r osticjed everywhere
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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