he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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