a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
