Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
