Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
