just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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