i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
