He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize