He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
