Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize