Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
