she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
