When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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