you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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