there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
