Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
