wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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