I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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