Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
