shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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