I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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