I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
