My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't deserve a penis
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
