I met the friendliest cop last night
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
