Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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