K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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