When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
