remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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