LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
