I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
