My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize