he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
