I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
