Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We need to get me chipped asap
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
