I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
