I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
