tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think I sprained my soul last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
