You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize