she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
