wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
