how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
