Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
