i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
